Lately, I have found that I am constantly obsessing about all the negatives in this new reality of Covid19-Land. Part of this comes from being a teacher in a public school system where our world is constantly changing. Protocols, gating criteria, community, and student concerns...the list just gets longer and more complex each day. The only thing that hasn't changed is the rigor of the material and the love I have for each and every one of my students.
I find myself worrying about so many things that I have no control over and the effect is a mindset of frustration and anxiety. I am very aware that this isn't healthy for me or those around me. I was home from school last Friday, a no school day from hosting parent/teacher conferences during the evenings during the week, and I found I was still full of nervous anxiety.
One thing I do when I feel this way is deep clean the house. As if organizing and scouring the environment that I am in will purge my feelings from me. I think A LOT while cleaning...my thoughts rush in and out and I find myself sorting not only the items in the house but my thoughts as well, categorizing them into sets. Positives, negatives, worries, needs, wants and a myriad of emotions that flood this process.
I walked into the laundry room and saw my chalkboard, I realized it had been ages since I dusted it and that was when the words upon it hit me, I wrote them when I first hung the board. One side said: "Wash, dry, fold, put away, REPEAT." The other side said, "To Do List! Pray for family, Pray for friends, Hug Everyone as much as possible!" and that was when I started to cry. I can't hug everyone. If you know me, that is a big part of me, I love and need to shower love and hugs all the time and this feeds my heart. With Covid, hugs are now frowned upon and pretty much taboo.
I got my rag out and cleaned off the side of the board that was household task related and got a big piece of sidewalk chalk out and wrote a new note to myself.
Today I was driving to school and instead of listening to my audible book I turned on my Sirius station and this song was playing,
Danny Gokey's song, "Love God Love People" and it spoke to me as if I was being nudged to not forget my challenge. No matter how hard it is to be positive, to find a smile behind my mask, literally My Mask, I need to love God and love people and make sure others feel this even without the hug.
That doesn't mean that I won't have many down days, that I won't want to cry in frustration of the situation when I can't see my kids, or Scott's parents, and my friends from church, bunko and Pitch group. When I think about perhaps not hugging someone I love and then losing them before I get to again someday, but I intend to try to live searching for the JOY in this Covid world and share the happiness I find with others.
I am going to dare to seek "Joy" and blog about it. I want to remember to revel in the enjoyment I get from being with my students at school, I may see them every other day but I can treasure the time I have with them.
If any of my friends have a joyful observation to share, I will include it when I write. I challenge all my friends and family to find joy in their lives and share it. We might not be able to control the pandemic, but we can "Love God and Love People" in the process.
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