Hello 2019, Bye 2018...Blogger, It's been too long...

Okay,
Revelation...when you have to google multiple versions of your name to find your blog account, it has been way too long since you blogged.

My last entry was September.  This is an illustration of my life this fall.  I have felt lost and unsure about how to go forward.  I am not certain why this is so.  Perhaps it was the culmination of many things.

I was involved with many church activities, perhaps the most important included working on a call committee to find a senior pastor for our congregation.  We found him, and he and his family are just what we needed to be fed in the word and nurture our church family.  I feel so blessed.

My school semester was challenging as always.  Loving my students comes with turmoil and risking my heart.  Each year I grow in my vocation as an educator, though most of my students see me as school mom, and that is just what we both need.  I care, worry and pray for them, and they help me feel needed and loved.

Most of all, unfortunately I think I have lived in the past in many ways.  This my dear friends is never good.  I know one reason why I have felt this way, but not all the reasons why.  One reason is that I have sorely grieved my dear puppy, Mayzie.  Anyone who knew my relationship with her understands how much I have missed her.  She was my light at the end of a long day.  My reason to take a walk and cuddle her when the roads overwhelmed her with traffic. She made me come home at a certain time of day to let her out and play with her.  Because she wasn't a independent human, she needed me all the time.

Because of my age, and time of life, so many of my friends and family shared a sigh of relief that we were dog free.  It is strange, but because pets tie us down to one place it seems the world tried to help us heal by telling us how good it would be to not be tied down and able to do whatever we wanted whenever we chose.  I worked hard to embrace this but it didn't work for me.  I kept being more and more depressed.  I kept being bombarded by past posts of her antics, I found I was living in the past more than the future.

This is a slippery slope.  Once you begin dwelling on the past, in my case a  pet, then it continues to more and more lost loved ones (and I have lost way too many).  After a while the past becomes more present than the actual present.  Bad news.

I talked to my endearing husband and together we have decided that looking forward is more healthy than living in the past.  So, unless something unknown happens in the next few months, we will be adopting a new fluffy little Miller puppy this spring.

My New Years resolution is to look forward, not back.  Find joy in the day, and in tomorrow as well.  Don't live with what was, especially what can't be changed.  Do what I can, and work for the Lord.

I want to love my family and neighbors. Forgive those who trespass against me, forgive myself when I fail. Why? Because I have been given the ultimate forgiveness of Christ  through His death on the cross and also through my baptism in the water and the word. I want to  share my joy and  love with  others.   I encourage others to do the same.  Embrace 2019 with joy!

Mud and Marriage : Parallels of the Journey

So, I thought it was a good idea.  That statement can cover so many things. In this case, it relates to my past weekend and a muddy good time.  My husband and I decided to try our first 5K.  We are not runners, but because this event had obstacles throughout the race, we thought that we could probably handle it, it did make the race more fun. 

After the fact, when I was getting ready to hose down my muddy old running shoes I began to think back on the experience and I realized how many parallels there are between the race and the past 33 years of our marriage.

I started the day a little apprehensive, just as I did the day we got married.  I didn't know what was ahead of me in the race, as I didn't know what I would face in marriage with Scott, but I knew I was in love with him and wanted to do this thing called life together. 

We started the race out a bit more independently, kind of doing our own thing and not matching strides at all, until we hit the first obstacle, just like our early married years. When we started to hit those obstacles, things got real.  We had to go over ladder like pyramids, and at first we were tackling them alone and feeling pretty confident in doing so. As in life, the early years we were still very independent and relied on our own opinions and experiences instead of working as a team.

Following the pyramids we began to experience more difficult challenges that involved concentration, balance, and often times crawling through mud and gunk.  I found that I was relying on Scott's care and encouragement more and more.  When I was a bit scared, he would go ahead of me and then hold my hand to help me along.  He has done this all throughout our marriage, and  that is just one of the reasons that I love him so much. 

I found myself getting really shaky and tired as the race progressed, there were some climbing obstructions that I knew I had to go around, because I might injure myself otherwise, but I didn't abandon Scott, I cheered him on as he tackled them so that he wasn't alone. That's like life as well, sometimes we have to know our limits but just because one of us can't do something doesn't mean we face the event alone, we still support each other along the journey.

Finally, we had to cross the deeper water and the current was fairly brisk, our shoes were being sucked into the muddy creek bed and it was really hard to walk through the water, so we held on tight to each other and took turns supporting each other allowing each other to walk alone when possible but holding on when the going got too rough.  We have had times in our 33 years that we had to hold on tight and be a constant support to make it through the hidden sink  holes but as long as persevered together we made it through the adversity and sad times.

Our final obstacle was racing up a small dirt mound then sliding into the mud in the bottom, hand in hand with a smile on our faces, before we pulled ourselves out of the hole to finally jog across the finish line.

The race was enjoyable because I had Scott by my side, I was never alone.

He encouraged me to keep going, try my best, and cross the finish line.  I feel like our marriage and family life has had the same rhythm. All the conflict or struggles in life have been faced together and because of this, have been more manageable.  I'm glad we did something outside of our comfort zone... together.  Not only did I enjoy spending the beautiful fall Saturday morning with him, but I also appreciate the fact that it made me look at our life together in a different way, and feel blessed.

Thanks to the Hutchinson Recreation Commission for sharing some of the pictures on https://www.facebook.com/hutchinsonrecreationcommission/

And God Sneezed....Gifts and Challenges.

A dear friend told me a story the other day about one of her acquaintances that just happens to be talented in everything that she does.  She is beautiful, athletic, kind, extremely intelligent, an amazing artist, and musician, the kind of person that it is easy to be jealous of in life. My friend said, "I really want to hate how perfect she is but I can't because she is just so darn nice!"  She went on to tell me her explanation for people like that....she said, God sneezed.

 In her theory, God sits with his hands full of  all the various talents (and challenges) that people can have.  He carefully sprinkles various gifts on each person as they are being formed, but sometimes he sneezes...ACHOO!... and blows all the talent onto one person.  "So sorry," He says, "they got it all, you must make do with this little bit leftover."

 I really enjoy her thoughts about this, it makes me smile to think of God handing out blessings and talents.  We are all given gifts that are unique to our personality yet we also know people who seem to have the lion share of abilities.  How can they have so much and we have little. Was it an accident or purposeful?

I think that no matter the amount we are given, it is important to cherish and use the talents and abilities to His glory. Everything God does and makes is perfect.  I feel the same way about the challenges that each of us have.  Each of us is given unique challenges to overcome.  Yet we can use these problems as opportunities to share love and acceptance with others.

In my case, God sneezed a boat load of anxiety on me when I was being created.  A little bit of anxiety is great, it helps one be prepared for the unknown.  The old flight or fight response, however  in overdrive it is a bit difficult.  Yet, in my case, I like to believe it has created grit.  As a child I feared everything.  Learning to deal with it has taught me empathy for other's challenges.  I try to use this with my family, church and the students I work with each year.

I have always been open with my family, my children, and often my students about the challenges I have been blessed with in my life. They make me who I am.  Letting people see our strengths and vulnerabilities makes both parties stronger on the journey together through life.

So, think today about this question, what did God sneeze on you?  Celebrate your uniqueness and share it!!!

Supporting Your Family

I chose my blog title purposefully.  Anyone who hasn't read my blog before might think I am going to write about family finances.  Nope, it has nothing to do with money. It is about coming back to school and returning home to my building for the next 10 months.  I am incredibly blessed to know that when I come back from summer vacation, I am truly going to experience a wonderful homecoming.

The Buhler school district is really one extended family.  The family reunion begins on orientation day, when we catch up with our tribe from all of the USD 313 schools.  As a large group we are encouraged, fed with empowering events then sent on our way to our immediate families, our buildings.  My heart is so full with caring and respect for my co-workers.  Their smiles, hugs, words of encouragement and genuine kindness makes coming home each August something to look forward to doing.  I'm not saying that the summer time isn't a welcomed break from routine and busy schedules, every family needs vacation time.  But being home after a nice vacation feels great too.

I  was humbled to receive a compliment on one of our PD days that made my day. The fact that this individual said what he did affirmed to me how important it is to appreciate all the members of the family and let them know that you see what they are doing and it is good.  So many of my school family members do an awesome job of this.  I know two teachers who have their students write thank you notes or teacher's choice letters during the school year. Having an instructor take time out of their content time to have their students praise other teachers is such a kind gesture.  Getting one of these notes can be a tremendous bucket filler.  I am thankful to have staff like this in my  school family.

I think it is also important for each of us to thank or compliment each other and the administration both in the building or at the Board of Education throughout the year.  Typing a quick email, dropping a handwritten note in their mailbox. Letting them know that you are proud to be in the same family  and that they do good work is empowering.

Tomorrow the rest of the family arrives, the complete student body.  They are part of us too.  I am excited to have the kids home again. Yes it will be louder, messier, and sometimes a challenge but that is what families are. And that is what makes the family at Buhler such a treat to be a part of throughout the year. No matter how happy, sad, frustrated or crazy  we act at times, we are still a big loving family who cares and supports each other.

It is my sincere intention to tell my school family how important they are to me throughout the year.  I encourage you to do the same in whatever venue you work.  After all, it is impossible to tell your family that you love them too much!

Chocolate Mayonaise Cake and Missing Mom

This time of year I miss my mom more than any other time of the year.  Perhaps it's because it is spring and so many events of spring remind me of her.  Easter makes me think of all the Havenstein Easter dinners, egg hunts and traditional tapioca pudding mom made because we loved it so much.  Things that centered around my mom. 

My mom made every event (holiday) fun.  She had an affinity for being the ultimate hostess and making each gathering special.  Every birthday  featured our favorite foods, a cake of angel food with seven minute frosting and a gift that she had labored over to make sure we would treasure the item.

 I think this is why birthdays are so important to me.  I try to make each of my children's birthdays a special event.  Just as my mom made my birthday exceptional.  I remember so many of them and I know this is because my mom made them a work of heart.  I love birthdays.  My birthday included, though as I grow older the day seems to hold less excitement and fun, must be part of getting older.

Mom made every social occasion feel important. Even an unexpected event like a meeting or gathering was celebrated with an appropriate dessert.  Two stand by desserts that I remember her stirring up in a jiffy for a meeting  or a group of people stopping by were blonde brownies, or  her chocolate mayonnaise cake with chocolate frosting...all from scratch.  The chocolate cake is a personal favorite as it is a simple cake to make that is incredibly moist and delicious.  I rarely make this cake because it makes me miss mom all the more.  The smell and process brings back such vivid memories that I reserve making it for occasions that I feel mom would want to be a part of, such as a reception for a potential pastor for our church.  I know mom loved her church and would appreciate me making this as we entertain a pastor for our church.  The best certainly deserves the best. 

My birthday is this week, so I miss my mom more than ever.  I would love to have just one more hug and some time to spend with her.   It's not that I don't feel loved, I do, but no one loves a child more than their mom. 

Mother's day is also around the corner, and my mom's birthday often fell on mother's day.  A double whammy for her and a double missing for me since she has passed. 

Ultimately, though this post may seem a bit melancholy, it is a writing of joy.  If my mother had not been such an exceptionally special and loving person she would not be so sorely missed. Birthdays would not hold such esteem and  special foods would not seem such poignant items to enjoy. 

I hope that some reading this take heart, and make incredible memories with their children and family.  Just as my mom did for me. It doesn't take money, it simply takes time and heart to be remembered with love.  Miss you mom. 

Learning Through Consequences

Reader,

If you have read my posts in the past, you know a bit about me and my job.  I work with students that for one reason or another struggle to thrive at school.  Of course there are many reasons why this is the case; some have family backgrounds that prevent them from being able to focus on their school work, others just find school difficult to understand, and there are some that have social or emotional influences that affect their learning experiences.  Whatever the case, school is generally the last place that they want to be at any given moment in time.

Now I confess, I am an empathy sponge.  This is a good and bad thing to be in my chosen profession.  I am able to understand the kids better, and know which areas frustrate them, but I also feel helpless sometimes when I know that my students are upset and emotional.  I want to help them understand their material and make their lives less stressful for them, but essentially their success or failure is their responsibility. As much as I want them to be successful I can not "make" this happen. I logically know that all I can do is offer support and assistance and they must make the right choices and work hard to pass their credits.

As April approaches, so does the end of the school term for this year.  Our school ends in mid May so there are only a few weeks left and for my students, time is running out to improve grades.  I was feeling very depressed the other day about the circumstances some of "my kids" are in at this point of the semester.  Now, I know that most of this is due to the choices they have made throughout the semester.  I have preached many a "sermon" about the effects of choosing to only do work within the school day, doing nothing outside of class time (essentially the same thing),  doing only the bare minimum, and most grating to my nerves of all, not using the time in class(particularly in my class)  to complete work, but  instead goofing off during that time.  The closer the end of the semester creeps, the more anxious I get about the students.

The other day I caught myself in an emotional loop of worry.  I had to purposely remind myself that these students are getting an education that doesn't just focus on their credit acquisition.  Because I care for each and every one of them, I want their path to knowledge to be less stressful and more successful, but in all reality, success isn't just in passing a class and walking across the stage at graduation.  Failing and learning that consequences of actions are very real is also an educational experience. Just not the one I wish for my kids.

 I think that any educator or parent would like to see their students or children happy and able to achieve what they want with the least amount of resistance. But I am not certain that this teaches grit and resilience. 

My overall thought for the day is that I need to focus on the good, preach the word of responsibility and let go the guilt of things outside my control.  I pray my students make choices that bring success, but in the end I must accept that the consequences are on them.  Reader, if you are an educator or a parent, I hope you find some comfort in my thoughts today.  Love them, teach them, comfort them and pray for them. Then let them learn, in whichever way they choose.

Daisy Cakes Bakes

Daisy Cakes Bakes is a lovely new cookbook written by author Kim Nelson, owner of her own business, Daisy Cakes.  I first saw this book on the Blogging for Books website and was smitten from the start when I saw a white layer cake with peach filling on the cover.  In the middle of a winter doldrum, this cake on the cover of her book just screamed spring and freshness.  Something I am craving as I anxiously await the warm weather of spring and summer.  Nelson's book features Southern comfort baking so all her confections are calling my name. I just love the South and all the comfort foods in that region. I was not disappointed when I received my copy  of Nelson's book and began exploring the recipes inside the book.  I am anxious to make many of them, especially the white coconut frosting,  and  the butter brickle cookies, which I have a feeling my son-in-law would adore.

I can highly recommend Daisy Cakes Bakes for any baker's home cookbook collection.

FTC disclaimer: I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

When God Made Light

Matthew Paul Turner  and David Catrow have done it again with another beautiful children's book to charm parents and entertain young readers. When God Made Light is as delightful as their previous book, When God Made You. Turner's prose is catchy and easy to read. Catrow's illustrations are winsome and just simply sweetness defined. I am completely loving this book!
A picture book must appeal to children and adults to be a success, When God Made Light, does this so well.  I was so excited when I saw the book listed on the Blogging for books website.  I remembered their first book and I loved it so much that I knew I wanted this one also.  I wanted to find out if the book equally appealed to children so I had a little reading session with my adorable next door neighbor, who happens to be in kindergarten and loves reading as much as I do.  We sat down and read When God Made Light from cover to cover.  She said "the book was great", "the cats were cute and funny" and  "the story was about God making light and us."  Overall she told me she really liked the book.  So there you go, high praise for When God Made Light  from  both of us!


FTC disclaimer: I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

Being Present Not Angry Is Worth It Every Time

Some days just getting to where I need to be is a challenge.  Take today for example, I wasn't running particularly late, I would have gotten out the door and on my way to work right on time if I hadn't tried to top off the pet's water bowl before I left the house.  Unfortunately, I miscalculated and over filled the bowl which caused a cascade of not only water, but also all the tasks to clean up the spill before I could leave the house.  I had to scoop out the extra water, (it is a fountain bowl so picking it up and pouring isn't easy) then change the towel under the bowl which was wet and setting on the wood floor, put the wet things in the laundry and still get the dog put in the bedroom before leaving. 

I am prone to timing things to the last minute so this made a kink in my timeliness.  I could have gotten angry, and let the events ruin my day,or been down on myself for not planning my morning better, but a few years ago I realized that no matter where I am at a particular moment in time, I am exactly where I need to be.  Even running late to get to work or any other planned appointment.  Today was a prime example of this because if I had been exactly on time then I would have missed the event that put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. 

As I left the house, probably five minutes later than I should have, I was driving down my street which just so happens to exit at a crosswalk for the neighborhood elementary school.  Children are often walking to school so I drive slowly. At the last house on the street I notice a young boy, one I don't know because this home had just recently sold to new owners. He was probably a kindergarten or first grade student, and he was all bundled up in his stocking hat, heavy coat, and backpack standing on the walk next to his driveway garage door, facing the street.  In all that heavy clothing, the boy was doing a full on impression of a European water fountain as he "peed" an amazing stream in front of God and everyone.  I did a double take, this simply isn't what I usually see as I drive down this road. Then I burst out laughing! It is always hilarious to see other people's kids doing something that you'd just die of embarrassment of if your own child did it at the same age.

I guess my day was starting with water in more ways than one.  Besides cracking me up, I once again realized that if all had gone as planned today and I hadn't spilled water to clean up as I was rushing out the door, I would have never been treated to a full out laugh fest on my way to work.  Life is just too short and too precious to be angry about insignificant matters, including running late.

  I used to try to make up the time when something would happen to start my day in an unplanned way by rushing about, causing myself more anxiety as I drove faster than I should, knowing I wasn't following the speed limit and increasing the tension. By the time I would get to my destination I was in a horrible mindset and the rest of the day would continue down the same path.

Then one day I realized that no matter where I am, or what I am doing, God has placed me exactly where I need to be at that particular moment in time. What an anxiety reducer, I learned that being present in the moment, whatever or wherever it is, is a blessing and shouldn't be wasted.  Whatever I do, wherever I am I will do it for the Lord because he has placed me there.

Now I try to live my days with this mindset. If I am working with a student that is angry or very frustrated with school and life in general, I remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do so I must somehow find joy in this moment and share that joy with others. This is not easy, or even always successful, but it is a goal I continue to strive for as I do so love my students.

I do my best to be on time and be where I need to be but if unforeseen circumstances arise, I make a point of enjoying the moment and purposefully finding joy.  My days go so much better and I smile more.

The Chalk Man by C.J.Tudor

The Chalk Man by C.J. Tudor is a good read for a cold winter night, if you enjoy a good mystery.  The mystery begins with a group of teenage boys living in their English village, making their way through the trials of adolescence and a bucket of chalk given as a birthday present.  The boys' teacher, Mr. Halloran, gave them the chalk as a gift and inspiration to enact a secret code of chalk figures to communicate with each other throughout the long summer days.  The boys primarily use the chalk figures to warn each other of the town bullies and plan meeting locations but when Eddie, the main character finds a drawing that leads him to a murder, everything changes. Years later, as adults, the mystery resurfaces and one of the boys, now an adult is killed.  To solve both crimes, Eddie learns he must solve the mystery to  protect himself as well.

I tend to be a judgmental critic when it comes to mysteries.  They often feel predictable and staged to me, using well worn plot lines.  I am pleased to say that The Chalk Man is not that way.  I was pleasantly hooked from the beginning of the book to the end.  It is easy to recommend The Chalk Man as a wonderful engaging read.  

FTC disclaimer: I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.