Hello 2019, Bye 2018...Blogger, It's been too long...

Okay,
Revelation...when you have to google multiple versions of your name to find your blog account, it has been way too long since you blogged.

My last entry was September.  This is an illustration of my life this fall.  I have felt lost and unsure about how to go forward.  I am not certain why this is so.  Perhaps it was the culmination of many things.

I was involved with many church activities, perhaps the most important included working on a call committee to find a senior pastor for our congregation.  We found him, and he and his family are just what we needed to be fed in the word and nurture our church family.  I feel so blessed.

My school semester was challenging as always.  Loving my students comes with turmoil and risking my heart.  Each year I grow in my vocation as an educator, though most of my students see me as school mom, and that is just what we both need.  I care, worry and pray for them, and they help me feel needed and loved.

Most of all, unfortunately I think I have lived in the past in many ways.  This my dear friends is never good.  I know one reason why I have felt this way, but not all the reasons why.  One reason is that I have sorely grieved my dear puppy, Mayzie.  Anyone who knew my relationship with her understands how much I have missed her.  She was my light at the end of a long day.  My reason to take a walk and cuddle her when the roads overwhelmed her with traffic. She made me come home at a certain time of day to let her out and play with her.  Because she wasn't a independent human, she needed me all the time.

Because of my age, and time of life, so many of my friends and family shared a sigh of relief that we were dog free.  It is strange, but because pets tie us down to one place it seems the world tried to help us heal by telling us how good it would be to not be tied down and able to do whatever we wanted whenever we chose.  I worked hard to embrace this but it didn't work for me.  I kept being more and more depressed.  I kept being bombarded by past posts of her antics, I found I was living in the past more than the future.

This is a slippery slope.  Once you begin dwelling on the past, in my case a  pet, then it continues to more and more lost loved ones (and I have lost way too many).  After a while the past becomes more present than the actual present.  Bad news.

I talked to my endearing husband and together we have decided that looking forward is more healthy than living in the past.  So, unless something unknown happens in the next few months, we will be adopting a new fluffy little Miller puppy this spring.

My New Years resolution is to look forward, not back.  Find joy in the day, and in tomorrow as well.  Don't live with what was, especially what can't be changed.  Do what I can, and work for the Lord.

I want to love my family and neighbors. Forgive those who trespass against me, forgive myself when I fail. Why? Because I have been given the ultimate forgiveness of Christ  through His death on the cross and also through my baptism in the water and the word. I want to  share my joy and  love with  others.   I encourage others to do the same.  Embrace 2019 with joy!