The other weekend I had the best conversation with my daughter-in-law (well, I just call her my daughter). Not only is she so smart and beautiful, but she is also very wise.
We were talking about many times in our lives when we have had to make difficult decisions, and how we dealt with the consequences of those decisions. My daughter said something to me that resonated with me and is still causing ripples in my thoughts. She said, "Sometimes you just gotta' choose your hard."
As I said, I have been thinking about what she said for many days now. She is absolutely right. Many things in a lifetime have consequences where no matter the choice one makes, the outcome is going to be hard. Really hard. Painful and potentially long lasting. One choice over the other will not create an easier path, but a decision must be made anyway. As I have been reminiscing my life choices, as well as watching my adult children make choices, I see the fruition of this statement over and over again.
Sometimes its a fairly innocuous decision, like going on a diet. You know that changing your eating plan is going to be hard (different food choices and portions, probably feeling hungry). Equally, being dissatisfied with an unhealthy weight is also hard, so you choose. Which hard are you willing to live with?
Other times it may be huge life decisions like whether or not to start a family, what choices to help elderly parents' lives with, dealing with finances, or even health issues. In those examples all the choices may be very hard to live with and may have consequences that are not comfortable or ones that are definitely unwanted. That's when "choosing your hard" is most poignant. Not choosing isn't a variable offered. A choice must be made. What can you stand to deal with everyday.
I've been doing much contemplating lately as I approach a big birthday number next year. Most ages don't phase me. For some reason this next one has had a different effect on my psyche. It has caused me to think about what the next phase of my life will be like and how I want to live it.
One "hard" that I have chosen is to give up drinking alcohol of any kind. I decided that it wasn't a healthy choice for me physically or mentally. Now, one might think... that's no big deal. It's just alcohol after all. Well, if you are one that has never drank much or at all, then it is not a "hard" for you. But if you are someone who has regularly drank with family and in social interactions, it's hard. It's everywhere. Celebrations, social events, and even in my own home when we entertain. It's provided for others, but I have chosen not to have any. Am I healthier? Yes. Definitely. But it is still hard and a conscious choice I must make all the time. A new way to live that I am slowly becoming more accustomed to living. Yet hard.
Another area of hard choices would be conversations. I'm thinking about topics like religion when discussed with family members, various relationship dynamics, or health concerns. You can say nothing, and live with how you feel about the topic; hard. You can broach the issue and very probably will have fallout either in the short term or long term; hard. Neither is preferable. So you choose your hard.
I kind of wish I had spoke to my children when they were younger about the need for "choosing your hard". But I am oh so thankful for the conversation I had with my daughter, (thanks Jess) because now I am approaching decisions, big and small with a new mindset.
I have been thinking about this and I know from now on as I make decisions I will remember the saying and it will help me weigh my decisions in a new way.
