Finding Joy: October 22:Forrest Gump - Feather ending

 As I continue my theme of "Finding Joy", I am noticing that when I am consciously being more observant of little things around me, it is easier to find some joy, even on hard days.

Today began as one of those tough days.  I noticed that it was the second day that one of my students was absent.  Now in Covid19-land that really isn't a big red flag.  I have students gone every day.  Especially since we are in hybrid learning, I only see some of my students every other day so my classes are very small.  This student is one that was an exception.  His life experiences made it possible for him to continue to attend school every day even during hybrid learning.  With our smaller classes, I have been spending extra time with this student and getting to know him better all the time.  When I saw that he was gone again today, I had a sinking feeling in my chest and asked if there was any information about why he wasn't present.  That is when I learned that my student was missing.  He has been gone two days and his whereabouts are unknown at this time.  

I felt like a hundred-pound weight had just been dropped on my chest.  The rest of my morning, I was contacting my prayer groups to pray for his safety and return.  At lunchtime, I was still feeling very down and rather numb.  No matter how difficult a student may be, I still get so attached to each and every one of them.  

I was at my desk, looking out the windows.  My room is situated between two buildings and I sit a bit lower than the other two.  This creates a whirlwind effect when the wind is blowing more than usual.  Leaves and other debris can swirl around in circles as the gusts blow between the buildings.  All of a sudden, I noticed feathers....blowing in the wind.  There must be a bird's nest on top of the buildings because today I keep seeing feathers float in circles as they catch a breath of wind.  Every few minutes another bright white feather swirls up towards the building's roof then floats back and forth as it gently finds a landing spot, whether on top of the roof or all the way on the ground.  

I remembered the movie, Forrest Gump, as I watched the floating feather.  In the movie, the feather represents the cycle of life, birth, death, and coming full circle to begin again.  That is what I think the feather is telling me today.  Life is a full circle of events. Good, bad, happy, sad, sick, and healthy. A constant churning...and we are all feathers floating between the buildings.  We catch a gust and ride it until the next breeze comes along and hopefully pick up glimpses of joy throughout the process.  

Life as Forrest is famous for saying, "Is a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."  Today my joy was finding a feather and then noticing the succession of feathers playing in the breeze outside my window.  My joy continued when I looked up feather videos to share.  The joy I am finding today doesn't erase the concern I have for my student.  I will continue to pray for his safety.  But life is a cycle and even with the sadness and concern, there is still joy.  

Find Joy! Love God Love People - Danny Gokey with Lyrics

    Lately, I have found that I am constantly obsessing about all the negatives in this new reality of Covid19-Land.  Part of this comes from being a teacher in a public school system where our world is constantly changing.  Protocols, gating criteria, community, and student concerns...the list just gets longer and more complex each day.  The only thing that hasn't changed is the rigor of the material and the love I have for each and every one of my students.  

I find myself worrying about so many things that I have no control over and the effect is a mindset of frustration and anxiety.  I am very aware that this isn't healthy for me or those around me.  I was home from school last Friday, a no school day from hosting parent/teacher conferences during the evenings during the week, and I found I was still full of nervous anxiety. 

One thing I do when I feel this way is deep clean the house.  As if organizing and scouring the environment that I am in will purge my feelings from me.  I think A LOT while cleaning...my thoughts rush in and out and I find myself sorting not only the items in the house but my thoughts as well, categorizing them into sets. Positives, negatives, worries, needs, wants and a myriad of emotions that flood this process.  

I walked into the laundry room and saw my chalkboard, I realized it had been ages since I dusted it and that was when the words upon it hit me, I wrote them when I first hung the board.  One side said: "Wash, dry, fold, put away, REPEAT."  The other side said, "To Do List! Pray for family, Pray for friends, Hug Everyone as much as possible!" and that was when I started to cry. I can't hug everyone.  If you know me, that is a big part of me, I love and need to shower love and hugs all the time and this feeds my heart.  With Covid, hugs are now frowned upon and pretty much taboo.

I got my rag out and cleaned off the side of the board that was household task related and got a big piece of sidewalk chalk out and wrote a new note to myself.

Through all the sniffles I decided to challenge myself to stop letting the negativity all around me envelope me like a mildewed blanket and look for signs of positivity.  (I kept the "To Do List" side because I don't want to forget how things were and hopefully will be again.)

Today I was driving to school and instead of listening to my audible book I turned on my Sirius station and this song was playing,

Danny Gokey's song, "Love God Love People" and it spoke to me as if I was being nudged to not forget my challenge.  No matter how hard it is to be positive, to find a smile behind my mask, literally My Mask, I need to love God and love people and make sure others feel this even without the hug.  

That doesn't mean that I won't have many down days, that I won't want to cry in frustration of the situation when I can't see my kids, or Scott's parents, and my friends from church, bunko and Pitch group.  When I think about perhaps not hugging someone I love and then losing them before I get to again someday, but I intend to try to live searching for the JOY in this Covid world and share the happiness I find with others.  

I am going to dare to seek "Joy" and blog about it.  I want to remember to revel in the enjoyment I get from being with my students at school, I may see them every other day but I can treasure the time I have with them. 

If any of my friends have a joyful observation to share, I will include it when I write.  I challenge all my friends and family to find joy in their lives and share it.  We might not be able to control the pandemic, but we can "Love God and Love People" in the process.  

The Light of His Presence: Anne Graham Lotz

 Comfort is an important essence in our life, and Anne Graham Lotz's new prayer devotional is an uplifting and comforting addition for any Christian's prayer life.  I received an advance Net Galley copy of Lotz's book from Waterbrook and Multnomah as part of their launch team, for an honest review.  

Lotz's book is a lovely addition to any devotional life. It is simply a book of well-written prayers over many topics that are timely for any season in life's journey.  Each prayer is then followed by a scripture passage or an appropriate quote to enhance the prayer.  Some of my particular favorites of Lotz's prayers include, A Prayer to Live for a Greater Purpose, A Prayer to Overcome Evil with Good, and a Prayer to Stay Focused.  I heartily recommend Anne Graham Lotz's Book, The Light of His Presence for your devotional library.