For those who want to know why:
How does one explain something that is a feeling more than a concrete thing? I am taxed with the task of making sense of my thoughts and feelings to perhaps help others understand the why of my recent decisions. I can hear my children say, “Mom, you don’t have to explain anything, you owe no one a justification.” They always amaze me with how kind and wise they are. And yet I have had letters and texts from some who want to know why. I decided to blog my thoughts to this, so here I will endeavor to say what is on my heart and mind, and why I have chosen to change churches and join another.
I have made many changes in my life the last couple years, but through everything I have always trusted the Lord to guide my life and decisions. Which is why I chose to follow the path set before me. When one makes a decision to change places of worship there is an assumption that something has happened. After all, why would they choose to do something else? Surely they have been wronged, someone said a slight or they are dissatisfied with the pastor(s), the doctrine, the music. There has to be something big that caused the decision.
For me, the answer is…nothing happened. I was just spiritually led to a new church home. I am someone who has held many positions in my past church home. Raised my children in the church. Led programs and sat on the board of directors in various assignments and I always served. But as the years passed, I continued to serve but I felt diminished in joy. I recited the liturgy, sang the hymns along with the organ music, repeated the confessional and listened to the absolution said by the pastor, and I felt nothing. My friends who I raised my children alongside in the church ceased attending. Families with younger children in general stopped attending. I still served but it was a job and not an enrichment in my life. I prayed and prayed. There were things in my personal character that I wanted to change but although I prayed to change myself and my heart and said my confession during the service, I did not feel the conviction that would encourage me to make real change.
After a Christmas Eve service that felt anything but christmassy I vowed to begin the search for a new spiritual home wherever that might be. I trusted God. I visited various places and prayed for guidance. I wasn’t looking for different music or preaching or anything material. I was looking for His presence in the service and people and a way to worship from the heart and study God’s word deeply, whoever was in the pulpit, because I knew only God’s presence would fill me up. I found it in January, at Crosspoint Church in Hutchinson, Kansas. Now this is a complete change from what I was raised and attended all my life. I am eternally grateful that my parents raised me in a church home and that I was blessed enough to know Jesus as my savior. It was because of this upbringing that I knew what to look for and what I wanted to find. Within the first few services I found the conviction of my heart and actions that I had been looking for. That doesn’t mean I immediately stopped my struggles with myself but I felt my prayers beginning to be answered. 7 months into a new church home and I feel changed. I have given up the things that were heavy on my heart due to the conviction of God’s word I heard in the sermons and songs. I have found my favorite day of the week is Sunday because I get to worship in a congregation of joyous members; who are diverse in demographics and experiences. I want it to be plain that it wasn’t the pastors, the music , or the location that made a difference to me. It wasn’t a beautiful building, or any amenities. I have heard many pastors preach here, heard both contemporary songs and hymns during the services. It was the presence of God in this place through the community and the speaking of His words honestly translated that have renewed me. I am joining the church and excited to find out how I can further grow up, love God and serve all in Christ’s name.
I hope and pray that all might find this feeling of spiritual enrichment wherever they attend. There are no perfect worship settings for everyone, but I pray that if not satisfied, if lost and unfulfilled even after devoting time and energy into a church life, they don’t become complacent. Don’t just go through the motions and lose the joy of being a Christian and living and learning God’s word. Our salvation is too precious a gift to not love living it every day!
