What I thought I taught my daughter, and what she actually taught me.

            When my children were growing up, I was always careful what I said.  One reason was because I had taken various classes in college that gave instructions on how to speak to children.  The professors explained what a child hears and how to relate information in a way a child best understands.  I was also cautious to protect their feelings and self esteem.  I was an overly sensitive child so I wanted to be certain that I did not hurt them with a careless comment or action.  I was also a child that struggled with body image, I was chubby.  My children inherited their mother’s genes more than their father’s.  As children they were never fat, but not media thin either.  I never told my children to watch what they ate; I never made them finish their food.  I fed them when they were hungry and I accepted their statements that they were full.   I did this because I was teased about my size as a child and it hurt.  I never said a thing to my children that would make them feel bad about themselves, what I didn’t realize though was that they were watching me.

            What I didn’t say to them, I said about myself.  I complained about my size.  I spoke with my friends about how fat I was.  I picked apart my thighs, stomach, butt , and any other body part I thought was  lacking.  I went on diet after diet.  I lost many pounds over the years, only to eventually return to my size fourteen physique over and over again.  I counted each and every calorie and I weighed myself each day.  Most of all, I disliked not only myself but also my body in the process.

            My daughter and son are now grown adults.  My daughter is a dietetic student.  In a recent conversation she helped me realize how I treated myself when she was a child affected her. When I was telling her about my weightlifting regimen at the local gym and how much I was enjoying the exercise, but felt frustrated that I was not losing any weight, in fact I was gaining. My daughter told me it was okay to say things about myself now, if I must, but when she had children there would be no negative body image talk around the children. 

            Wow, what an eye opener.  I never realized that being derogatory toward my own body had undone my careful actions toward my children.

            Being the strong beautiful woman she is, my daughter regularly tells me that she is content with her looks and size, and that she wouldn’t change anything about herself. I am proud of her for her outlook on life and also for the lessons she is teaching me.  Now I am hoping to pass her positive outlook on to others.  Everything we do and say our children learn.  It is important to speak well to and of our children but equally important is to speak well about ourselves.  I’m trying to be content with myself and embrace health and not size.  My daughter and son deserve this. If I can learn so can others.  I challenge others to dump the negative self image dialogue. Do it for yourself, do it for your children.