The Struggle is Real

There is an internet story that is being shared concerning a boy and a butterfly. I was thinking about the story today because this story seems to exemplify so many things I see in my own life but also those lives around me.

 In the story, the boy has  a collection of butterfly cocoons, most of the cocoons are empty and the butterflies well away on their journey. One is left, it is struggling to exit the confines of the cocoon.  The boy wants to help the butterfly by opening the cocoon and easing its way when an old man comes by and stops him.  He tells the boy to let the butterfly struggle, because this process helps the butterfly gain the strength needed for its long journey ahead in life.

This story exemplifies how I feel about so many things in the world. Struggle is real.  Sometimes struggle involves concrete things like money, food, jobs.  More often, though, struggle involves internal conflicts, such as self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or lack of confidence.  Everyday, many fight the emotions and turmoil, and struggle to keep going, to work their way out of the strife whether it is physical or internal.  Those who make it through are stronger for the process, even if it is exhausting to complete.

I myself have struggled with self-esteem and feelings of confidence.  As a child I was painfully shy, and I have pushed myself to be outgoing, but there are times when  I resort to past feelings and behaviors.  I believe it is my own struggles that have helped me to empathize with others, particularly my students.  "I get it."  I know how it feels to get the details of a project and want to bury my head because the process seems so vast.  That there are moments where I hope that whatever the process is, it will just go away. This can be completely overpowering and I feel frozen in time and must push myself to continue a commitment I have made.  I also understand all types of avoidance behaviors.  I want my students, friends and family to know, I get it, the struggle is real.

But, as much as we want to save ourselves from suffering and experiencing the hurt of the world, both internal and external, it is more important to face the obstacles,  to struggle, because this is how character is built and perseverance is achieved. If we allow ourselves to escape our problems, through denial or other avenues, we are cheating ourself from the growth that comes with the process.

 The same is so for our children, or our students. If we save them from the struggle, expect less, allow them to hide from responsibility, to escape when the internal or worldly problems arise, they will not become the strong adults our world needs.  If we intercede on their behalf when they face a problem, be it homework, relationships, sports, or jobs to make their lives easier, to save them from the pain, to save ourselves from the agony of watching them try and fail, or worse yet watching them not try; then sadly they will not find the internal strength needed to deal with the difficulties that come from living.

Inherently humans want to help each other. Teachers want to help their students find success.  Parents want to help their children grow and mature.  However, let us remember that helping does not mean ending the struggle needed to improve and thrive.  Like the butterfly,  all need to feel the frustration of trying and enduring when things are not easy.  To feel a bit trapped but learning that with perseverance the goal can be achieved. Ultimately to find pride in embracing the struggle, no matter what it happens to be and know that strength comes from the trial.