I ran into a friend at the farmer's market on Saturday. She asked why I had not posted in quite a while....well, I haven't, but I didn't realize how long it had truly been. I looked up the date today and saw that my last post was last December. So that's almost 7 months ago. Where does the time go?
I know one place the time went, it went in anticipation of a big birthday last April. Usually I absolutely adore birthdays. I love having birthday parties for my family and I love my own birthday. However last year I dreaded my approaching birthday for the first time that I can remember. This April I turned 60.
In the end, it was really no big deal. The earth didn't open and swallow me up. Nothing changed in my world actually at all. It was the number I feared, not the actual body age. This last year I have done so much ruminating about my life and where I am in the process of living while I have been anticipating turning 60. I hope I have learned a few things in the process. I know I have made some changes for the better, but I hope that I can continue to learn and follow the changes I have made.
One thing I did last May was stop drinking alcohol of any kind. At first it was very hard for me to do, particularly in social situations. I fondly consider myself a high functioning introvert. I can be happy and social with others, but afterwards I need to decompress and recover . Having alcohol definitely eased my social interactions with others. But over time, I found I was finding more and more reasons to have a drink. It is very easy to find reasons you need or want to drink. It is much more difficult to remember and enact all the reasons you should not drink. For my health, and the way I want to comport myself I decided that I wanted to pursue an entirely sober lifestyle. So far, so good. I had my one year anniversary of that decision in May. I feel good physically. My skin is so much healthier and I don't regret making this decision. I still feel anxious in social situations, but I order my diet soft drink and persevere onward. Nowadays you get the true authentic me, and all the foibles that entails. =-)
Another revelation I have made (more recently) is to stop looking back and ground myself in the present. Have we all heard this advice FOR-E-VER? Yes. We have. So why has it taken me this long to begin living it? Wish I knew.
I have another bad habit of comparing myself to others. Not in possessions, but in personal circumstances such as body image. I decided that I was turning 60, and I needed to stop this unhealthy habit. Then, I began to look back at my own pictures over the years, comparing how I look today versus 5, 10, even 20 years ago. I found (low and behold) I have aged! Duh. I sillily felt frustrated that I have more pounds, more wrinkles and more bumps or bulges. That's when I learned that just as I can't compare myself to others who are different from me, I also can't compare myself now to a younger version of myself. I will never be that age again and through living and enjoying life, I have used this body God blessed me with and it shows that I have. I need to love the person I am today and enjoy where I am at in this earthly process. Not wish for the body I used to have. Twenty years from now I am certain I will see a picture of myself now and think, wow....I looked pretty good back when I was 60.
Finally, I have decided to continue to doggedly pursue my love and learning of God and His teachings. I have never stopped doing this over my lifetime, but my furtiveness has definitely waxed and waned throughout my years. This last year I have read and studied through church, a small grow group at church and wonderfully also with my sister. I look forward to continuing this with joy and happiness.
Has turning 60 changed me? Not markedly, definitely not obviously, but I hope with this age and all the others that God chooses to bless me with I will thank God for each day and enjoy whatever I am given. Prayers for all my family and friends and thanks Sheila for the encouragement to post. ;-) .
