You're Gonna Make It: Unlocking Resilience When Life Is A Mess

 Whelp, here I am, four months into retirement.  Do I like it? YES! Has every moment been easy in this transition....no.  I floundered around for a while the last couple months, knowing that school would be starting and wondering what exactly to do with all my time.  It was one of those lost days when I checked my email and found I had a message from WaterBrooke Multnomah.  It was the opportunity to join one of their launch teams for a new book.  I'm always ready to see what they are publishing so I opened the email and, I couldn't believe my eyes.  It was as if God had not only been listening to my prayers asking how to transition to this new stage of growth called retirement, but also was putting tangible help right into my hands.

The email contained an invite to read and review Daniel Fusco's new book, "You're Gonna Make It, Unlocking Resilience When Life Is A Mess."   

This is my first Daniel Fusco book to read, and I didn't know what to expect, but I loaded it into my trusty Kindle and opened the page.  My first impression was, wow.  Not because the first few words of Fusco's book were astounding, (though they were very good) but because his writer's voice was so conversational.  It was like he was sitting across the table from me, just having a nice chat and telling me a story from his past.  The book continues in this conversational prose throughout.  I found reading Fusco's book very comforting as if he and I were becoming friends and he was encouraging me through God's word to find peace and hope in fostering resilience as I work through life's changes.  

Now, I love reading my bible, but I can't always say I love reading biblical nonfiction.  Depending on the topic, I can often find them insightful but dry, almost mind numbing and I have to work at staying focused and purposeful when reading and studying.  Yet Fusco's book, "You're Gonna Make It," didn't feel that way at all.  He does a good job of incorporating personal accounts, pop culture references (to keep it interesting), biblical teachings and pastoral explanations.  I continually felt encouraged and fed as I read.  I actually spent a few nights reading it in bed and staying up a little too late because I didn't want to put it down, I just had to get to the end of the chapter.  This never happens for me when I read nonfiction, so that is a true endorsement!   

Now I look forward to checking out Fusco's other books but I want to encourage everyone to read, "You're Gonna Make It."  No matter what stage of life you are in reader, let's face it, life is always messy and we can never foster too much resilience through the help of God.  

Potiphar's Wife

 So, I've been busy, at least until this week.  I just saw my son, graduate  high school and that was a busy weekend.  Then I finished the school year and retired with all that the transition entailed.  Finally this week I have been able to take the time to read for one of my launch team commitments with Waterbrook Multnomah. I received an advance copy for an honest review.  Kind of like a great meal, you save the best for last when it can be savored.  That was my experience this week with Mesu Andrews newest book, a fictional novel, Potiphar's Wife.  I always enjoy fictional books best and when saturated with historical facts and references the treat is so much sweeter.  

Potiphar's Wife is an intriguing story of Pharaoh's  Egypt during the time of Joseph and his brother's from Jacob.  The story of Joesph is a well told one from young children's Sunday school lessons to a Broadway musical.  Yet in each telling we hear of the woman siren who tried to entice Joseph to sin, yet we never fully meet her to know her story.  Andrews clearly states in her afterward and author's notes that her novel Potiphar's wife is a work of fiction.  However she did do ample research to place as much historical fact into the story as possible.  Through research she learned that Potiphar's wife in the Koran was named Zulieka.  She also found evidence of political happenings at the time period of Joseph's captivity in Pharaoh's Egypt to weave into her story. Through her research and author's creativity she has written a compelling tale that makes both the time period and biblical characters come to life to entice readers to not only enjoy the story, but peak curiosity to delve further into the bible to learn more truths about the world of the old testament and the people who worshiped God through faith and determination.

I must say that many plot twists and turns kept my attention throughout the story.  I won't share because spoilers ruin the fun.  But even until the very end, I was surprised with sone of the events.  In my opinion that creates an entertaining and fun story. 

I can't wait for Andrew's next book, as she makes the characters so real it is hard to say goodbye to them.  I recommend Potiphar's Wife to anyone looking for fiction to enhance the story of Joseph and his life in Egypt.

Saving kids....

 This May, May 20th to be exact, I am retiring from public education.  I have not been on the job as long as many others, I was a late bloomer and finished my degree after my own children were in high school. So I am retiring with 17 years in my current district and about 6 from another district and being a para from a special education cooperative.  I have mixed feelings about retiring.  I wish I could have taught longer, but my health mandates less stress.  

Over the last 17 years  I have worked in various positions and over all I have worked diligently to save kids.  Mostly that meant to help kids (students) graduate from high school.  In high school you have to earn all your credits in the courses needed to graduate.   If a course is not passed then it must be repeated.This is not the same from previous years in education.  From kindergarten through 8th grade a student can be promoted even when they don't pass the course content, but when high school is reached, every credit counts.  

17 years ago, when I began working at Buhler,  I found that more than ever, I love helping students.  Trying to learn who they are and how they feel about school then how they best learn was my passion.  It still is my passion. However I learned the last couple years that it is time to embrace a new adventure and retire.I wish I had a count of all who graduated high school that I had in my classes.  I have loved them so much.  They make me smile.  I listen to their joys and hurts.  I listen to their dreams and I hope that they meet them and find joy in their future.  

However, covid happened, and attitudes changed.  Students lost drive and so did I .  The pandemic took its toll.  One unique positive came from the last two years.  A student, a boy, pre-pandemic, an unexpected life changing event.  Johnny.

Johnny began as a sophomore student in my class in January 2020.  Now Johnny is a member of my family and a son to me.  Johnny is a gregarious person who captures friends and hearts with his outgoing personality.   Johnny isn't an easy student.  He has a big personality.  Yet I love him.  

He will graduate from high school in two weeks, and I am very proud of him.  I work hard to make sure he has all the paperwork he needs completed for college done and that he is prepared for the next step in his education.  I want him to reach all the goals he sets for himself.  I treat him the same as I did my son and daughter.  He reaps all the benefits of a school mom who loves him as well as the consequences of a school mom that is focussed on education.  Yet he seems to deal with me well. =)

I think in my heart Johnny represents all the students I have had and loved and tried to help.  He is special because of the circumstances, I actually took him home to care for him and "mom" him, even though I mom most of my students every day.  Johnny has a family, a mom and a dad and brother and sisters, yet he allows me to care for him too.  it is a blessings for both of us.  

I will meet some of Johnny's family on May 14th, at graduation.  I am nervous.  Just because I don't know them yet.  I am humbled that I get to be a part of his life.  I want to care for him and give him a home.  I know his family loves him too.  It will be a special day.  

It will be so hard to leave the school and the building on May 20.  But I know each student that I ever had in my classes will remain a part of my heart.  I will miss my peers, my colleagues.  They have been my family for so many years, I have been with them everyday and they have treated me dearly.  It hurts to know I won't see them 10 months of the year.  Yet I know it is time. 

New adventures await, New challenges are ahead, and those at school, both students and faculty-friends will forever be in my heart. ❣️

What Remains True

 Nancy Naigle has once again captured my heart through the characters in her newest release, What Remains True published by Waterbrook and Multnomah with a release date of May 3, 2022.  As a member of her launch team, I was privileged to read an early release copy and I can sincerely say that from the first page I was hooked.  

The book begins with this quote, "Embrace this day, and make it your goal to make each one memorable. Say yes to new opportunities."  Merry Anna Foster, a big city COO for her family's office supply chain of stores is in need of a change of pace.  To prove a point to her ex husband and his request for more alimony,  she finds herself in the small town of Antler Creek.  With the intention of staying only a couple weeks, Merry Anne rents an old cowboy bunkhouse and takes a job as a sales clerk for the bunkhouse owner's gift shop.  Over qualified for the position, Merry Anna quickly becomes indispensable to the shop's owner and becomes friends.  She gets to know the neighbors and community of Antler Creek, especially the handsome bachelor bull-rider who owns the land next to her home as well as the local feed store.  Adam Locklear has one goal for his life, to win the upcoming national bull riding championship and begin a new business enterprise.  Through various twists and turns, life presents many challenges and joys.

One of my favorite aspects of Naigle's stories is the way she builds her characters. Her character development is so rich and engaging that I end up becoming attached to them and dread the end of the story, just because I won't be able to be a part of their lives any longer.  That is really a true gift in a story teller, when they can create a sense of caring for the fictional people.  Naigle does just that and makes it hard to say goodbye to them.  

As sad as I am to complete Naigle's books, I know that I can look forward to her next adventure when she introduces me to an entire new set of people to get to know again.  Naigle is one of my favorite author's and I heartily recommend , What Remains True for your next read.  

Crowned With Glory

 I recently received a new book from Waterbrook and Multnomah and I was charmed with their new publication, "Crowned with Glory" by Dorena Williamson.  "Crowned with Glory" is the story of a little black girl and her joy in her individual beauty starting with her wonderful unique hair.  She embraces all the styles and ways that she can express herself and her God given beauty.  The book is a rhyming narrative that catches the reader's attention from the start.  I appreciate children's books that explore the diversity of various people and how God made each of us perfect and beautiful in our own way. I am pleased to recommend "Crowned with Glory" to my readers.  

Hues of You

 Waterbrook and Multnomah did it again!  They have published a book that parents and teachers both need to share with their students and children in today's world!  Well done!  "Hues of You:An Activity Book for Learning About the Skin You Are In," created by  Lucretia Carter Berry, PhD, is an exceptional tool for teaching children the bare facts about skin tone, culture, and race.  

I can't say enough about how well it is presented, perhaps I feel that way because when my children were young this is how I explained skin tones to them.  We focused on color as a genetic origin due to melanin levels in the skin and not as a product purely of race or culture.  We discussed how various people look due to where their ancestors and the climate that their families originated and why this affected their overall appearance.  "Hues of You" approaches the topic in exactly the same way.  

One facet of the activity book that I particularly enjoy is the task of coming up with creative names for the family member's skin colors.  The book explains why skin takes on so many various color hues and then instructs the child to think of a name for their own tone.  If I did this I would call my tone "lightly toasted white bread," because I am not pure white but a combination of paleness from my norwegian heritage and brown spots  from my age and love of all things sunny in the summertime.  My daughter's skin tone I would name "ivory cream" because it makes me think of soft and silky paleness with only a small amount of tint to it.  My son of the heart is definitely "butterscotch lifesaver."  He has a handsome toffee color hue which is striking with his dark hair and eyes.  

Just as in the activity book, it is fun to come up with positive fun names for all the varied colors that each person has which is unique to them no matter the race or culture.  

I hope that many parents and teachers of younger children choose to share,  "Hues of You:An Activity Book for Learning About the Skin You Are In" with their students and families.  I feel it is an important topic to talk and learn about, and Lucretia Carter Berry's book does an excellent job of making the reader enjoy the lesson and find creative ways to express their own individuality!

What next? Me.

     I made a tough decision that I have agonized over for months.  At the end of this school year, I am retiring from education.  Even now saying this makes me choke up a little bit.  So many layers have lead me to this decision, it's so hard, but necessary.  

I'm excited for the lifestyle change, scared about what it will all look like, and melancholy saying goodbye to the classroom setting and the camaraderie of  colleagues and students.  Yet, it is necessary because I can't be a healthy me any longer in education,  and that's pretty sad for me.

When I started being an ESL (English Second Language) paraprofessional and then Targeted Assistance Teacher 15 years ago at a local high school (yep, I am a late bloomer when it comes to getting my college degree), I was so excited to teach students and work to make their educational experiences easier and rewarding for them.  I prided myself on working with each student, teaching and reteaching each concept until they were confident and able to be successful.  If I even had one student fail one class, I felt like I had failed them, and found even more ways to help them learn the material.   During the first several years, I often had students not interested in learning, and choosing to be on their phones rather than get help. Yet I was always able to get them to re engage with me and complete whatever work needed done with some encouragement and showing them that I genuinely cared about their success.  

So much has changed.

Before the last two years of Covid's reign on our world, I had always planned on working until I turned 60 years old.  I have consistently said that I didn't want to be the teacher that was grumpy, I would stop teaching before that happened.  Well, here I am, turning 58 in April, and retiring.  

I don't feel healthy any longer even with lifestyle changes.  This mostly comes from me, I am a fixer, a caregiver, and I just can't fix the students anymore.  This makes me disheartened.  I first noticed the change the fall we came back after having to go full remote in March of 2020.  The fear and the constant unknown of what protocols and situations would arise next took a toll on everyone.  Students were in hybrid learning, which in our high school meant alternate groups came to school on alternate days. The students were informed that everyday was a school day and even when they physically were not in the building they were still responsible for learning that day.   Lessons were introduced daily through their internet classrooms, assignments were given and expectations held.  But honestly, learning only happened for most students when they were in the building.  Home days were days that they checked in with teachers then checked out for the rest of the day.  A new contagion came into the school that I would not have expected, but in my heart has been more devastating to the students than Covid.  It's apathy. 

Since we have been introduced to the Covid world, many students are so disconnected from their learning and more connected with their technology through various devices and sources that learning is extremely hard to maintain.   Now, granted, my job is working with students that benefit from extra assistance.  They are not the students that are excited to be at school and often fail to thrive in an educational setting.  Yet somehow I could always reach them, now I can't.  

They do just enough to get by, sometimes not even that.  I offer help, I encourage, and they turn me down. Some completely refusing to do anything.  Often I am told, "I don't feel like doing anything, so I am just not going to," or "I have just a little bit to do, I'm almost done," yet they haven't even started.  And when I call them out on it, show them that I know how much they need to complete, they shrug and go back to their phones, computers, or just sitting.  It's so sad.

As I said before, I am a fixer.  When I realized that I can't fix apathy, I started to see a negative change in myself. My blood pressure has consistently risen over the past two years with needing more and more medication. I have gained weight and can't seem to take it back off.  I am more depressed and introverted than ever before.  I just can't be me anymore.  I am fixer....I can't fix my students, sadly, but maybe I can fix me.

So at the end of May, 2022, I am going to embark on a new world adventure.  I don't know what it looks like yet, but I know it is the right thing for me. I plan to concentrate of becoming a healthier and happier me again, first of all, then see what comes my way.

I am so thankful for the years I have had in education, the students I have worked with and the teachers who have taught me so much just being in their classrooms.  I have met wonderful individuals who have enriched my life.  I have a son of the heart that I would never have met or made "mine"  if he hadn't walked into my classroom two years ago. 

I announced to the school board last week my decision.  It was extremely hard, but change is. Looking forward to May and the new horizon ahead.  

Unexpected learning: Professional Development

Sometimes the most pertinent learning happens completely by surprise. 

 School begins for students in the school district I work in next week.  The past week has been filled with meetings, planning, and generally getting ready to welcome students back Tuesday, the 17th.  To get myself back into a morning routine, while trying to pursue some healthier habits, I began a new workout class at the local Genesis where I belong.  Covid has not been my friend and I have definitely gained weight that I want to work at losing to become more comfortable in my body again.  Two weeks ago I started the class, not knowing what to expect.

When I first walked into the gym, at 5:10 am, I walked down the hallway and looked into the classroom.  There were six individuals scattered around the room waiting to begin the class.   Each was standing near a mat on the floor, with step risers and various weights.  I was apprehensive, but opened the door and stepped inside.

The instructor knew right away that I was new, she hadn't seen me there before, so she introduced herself and began to tell me about the class.  Still nervous about beginning a new class, I listened and looked around. What I saw was a room full of fit individuals, athletic and well toned, ready to get started. I looked at myself and thought, why am I here?  

People were nice enough to me but it was obvious that I was out of my element.  One gentleman spoke to me, gave me some pointers and a smile that helped the jitters.  He wasn't quite as athletic as the others but definitely knew what he was doing, a regular attendee.

I could tell as soon as the class began that I was in over my head.  I have lifted weights all summer and attended water aerobics at another local gym, but this class was nothing like what I had done in the past.  There was constant cardio, running, jumping onto the risers, along with the weights and strength conditioning.  I figured out very soon why everyone looked so toned. They were all already friends and attended the class regularly, but this was my first day.

The class meets Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and as of today, I have attended six sessions, It is a very hard workout, and I am the least able person there.  Yesterday, Friday morning, while making modifications to some of the exercises I realized that choosing to begin the workout class was the best thing I could have done to prepare myself for the new school year.  Reader, you might think I am referring to building endurance and better health for the school terms looming ahead.  However, what I inadvertently had done was put myself into a situation that was uncomfortable and new much like the students that will be entering my classroom very soon, and I have some revelations to share.

I have spent my entire educational career working with students who benefit from accommodations and modifications to succeed in their academic studies.  I have been working either as a paraprofessional or targeted assistance teacher for almost twenty years.  During that time I have become quite proficient at making adjustments to whatever curriculum is assigned for my students to be successful.  Yet I don't think I ever felt so acutely what students must feel walking into a classroom the first few weeks of the school year. Knowing that the work is going to be hard and feeling worried about how they will get through the day.  Now, I think I do.

Walking into the gym class, the first Monday morning was similar to the feeling that I think some students  might feel during school. They may not feel up to the workload being assigned.  They want to be able to do all that is being asked but no matter how hard they try, they just can't do it, at least not the same way that others may be able and must make modifications or accommodations to the assignments to be successful. They struggle ahead with hopes that with more work and perseverance they will be able to make the gains needed to pass or continue the class.

I was really nervous, unsure of myself, and doubted myself the first few sessions of the morning class.  I was embarrassed that I could not do all the exercises, not because I am the oldest there, but because I am the novice and least able. I knew that no one was watching me but in my head, everytime I had to choose to modify an exercise or find a similar one I felt inadequate because even though I was working hard at my present ability, I wasn't able to do exactly the same work as the others.

I know that students who need accommodations often feel this way as well.  When they leave a classroom to take a test, or have work explained more than once to grasp the  parameters of the assignment. It is not that the student is working any less hard, or is learning less, they just need a variation of the assignment to be able to complete the work.  But the student does feel as if they just aren't quite the same as the others and it chafes over time.

Sometimes when we are running in class, skipping, jumping, or doing burpees, I simply can not keep up.  I have to allow others to pass me, do fewer of the same movement, or change exercises entirely.  I can feel saddened that I am not the same as the others there.  My students have often told me they wish they were like the other students, the ones that learning comes easier. I can relate better now that I have experienced something similar.

I did not begin going to the gym class to experience an object lesson. But, I must say it was a timely coincidence. In two weeks time I have learned more empathy and compassion for my students' situations than I could have learned from other avenues.  Putting myself in a uncomfortable situation helped me make some connections that I will remember throughout the school year as I strive to help my kids grow and learn to the best of their ability, meeting them where they are currently and finding ways to help them build skills and become stronger academically.

I would encourage any teacher to occasionally put themselves in situations that are new and maybe a little uncomfortable. Take a risk, and when you do...think about your students and the way they feel tackling new things as they learn and grow.  It will bring a whole new perspective. I plan to keep striving and going to the 5:15am  cardio and strength conditioning class.  Just as my students can't quit when it's tough, I won't either.  I am grateful for the unexpected professional development lesson I got the last couple weeks before school began again and I am looking forward to using it when I am working with my kids.

No Journey Too Far

 Everytime I read a novel, especially a historical fiction, I learn so much about a time and place that the author felt strongly enough about to create a story, and I am always richer for the learning. Carrie Turansky's newest release, No Journey Too Far, is a perfect example of fiction teaching about history.  I received No Journey Too Far, published by Waterbrook and Multnomah, as part of their launch team in exchange for an honest review.  

Turansky's novel delves into the adult lives of British Home Children and how the stigma of being a home child followed many throughout their lives "From the late 1860s right up to 1948, over 100,000 children of all ages were emigrated right across Canada, from the United Kingdom,  to be used as indentured farm workers and domestics. Believed by Canadians to be orphans, only approximately 12 percent truly were. These children were sent to Canada by over 50 organizations" (canadianbritishhomechildren.weebly.com/). 

Until I read Turansky's book, I had no knowledge of British Home Children in Canada, but I found the information fascinating.  No Journey Too Far caught my attention immediately as I began the book.  I was torn when one of the main characters, Grace McAlister is taken away from the only family she has, her sister Katie, and given to adoptive parents, not ever knowing what happens to her sister, mother, and other siblings.  The story then moves forward to Grace, now Grace Hamilton, as she is preparing for her social debut.  We learn that her parents have kept the information that she was originally a British Home Child secret all the years of her growing and feel that if others knew she would be shunned and not able to make a suitable marriage match.  Grace finds out her true past and does her best to reuinte with her family.

Througout the book, we meet other British Home Children, and learn their stories.  Some are mistreated, used as domestic help and indentured servants.  All feel shame to be referred to as a British Home Child, and are even suspicioned for crimes just because of their status.   Turansky's book is heartwarming story that leaves the reader satisfied with the end events for all the characters.  No Journey Too Far will be released to order on Amazon on June 8th and is a perfect summer read to enjoy.!

He Saw That it Was Good

 Sho Baraka's book, He Saw That it Was Good, is an honest look at some of the tough questions in our world.  Baraka explores how people, created by God, can live in His world using their gifts and creativity to better their lives and the lives of others. I received this book from Waterbrook and Multnomah as part of their launch team in exchange for an honest review.   I really didn't know what to think of Baraka's book when I first picked it up.  I was not familiar with his work and the topic was rather vague.  However, after reading just a few pages I began to really appreciate his concept and the writing.  Simple truths continued to be revealed as I read which inspired me to keep reading. The first thought that hooked me was,  "If our lives are music, stories are the instruments that arrange it." Baraka's words inspired me to think. Stories tell our tales, they inspire and motivate.  Just as music does.  Another quote that spoke to me was when he said, "If we passively float through life, reacting only to the actions of others, our story is likely to be far from its full potential.  But if we believe what God said about us, how we were made in the image of the Creator himself--well, wouldn't that change everything? Wouldn't that set us free to live our true story, our true creative life?" Hard questions like this, ones that make us think are what drive Baraka's book.  For anyone who enjoys spending time questioning the world and God's creation, take the time to read Baraka's book.  You won't be disappointed.